Gone
by katiecat23
Summary: A mistake in the field leads to the death of one of their own. Healing comes differently to everyone, but one agent knows that they'll never quite be the same again.


**Gone**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own NCIS: LA.

**Summary: **A mistake in the field leads to the death of one of their own. Healing comes differently to everyone, but one agent knows that they'll never quite be the same again.

Another day, another new case. The briefing in Ops was short and to the point – a Petty Officer dead, possibly killed for important information. Find the killer and protect national security. The two top priorities, as usual. The four agents split up their duties, and were just about to head out when Hetty jumped in.

"Wait, before you go," she said. Everyone in the Ops center exchanged wary glances, even Eric and Nell. When Hetty said _wait_, nothing could end up well. "I know this case seems like a fairly average case, but I think we need to rearrange ourselves before heading into battle." The agents rolled their eyes.

"Hetty, please not again," Sam groaned.

"Seriously, what's wrong with our partners?" Kensi argued.

"We're good with the partners we have. Don't split us up," Deeks begged.

Hetty waved at them all to settle down. "You've done this before, it's not rocket science. Just switch it up for this case and we'll see what happens."

Callen let out a cynical chuckle with no emotion behind it. "Hetty, we've done this 'let's-switch-partners' crap before, and where did it end up? With Deeks and Sam tortured and almost dead. It's not going to happen again, I'm telling you now."

"And it _won't_ happen again, Mr. Callen, so long as you're careful. To insure it doesn't happen, _you_ will be paired up with Mr. Deeks; Miss Blye, with Mr. Hanna." The agents caught the eyes of their partners before eventually giving in and moving to stand beside their new one. Callen's face clouded over, something that had nothing to do with Deeks and everything to do with Hetty. Sam was clenching his fists so hard he looked like he would pop a blood vessel. Deeks was fidgeting, clearly uncomfortable with the new arrangements and most likely remembering the last time they did this. Kensi was in between nervous and pissed, wondering when Hetty would stop screwing them with her mind games.

After a minute of quiet fuming by the agents and pointed silence by Hetty, Callen finally broke. Snapped would be more exact. "Let's go," was his only command before stalking out of Ops. The other three followed. Sam headed out quickly to catch up to Callen, and Kensi slowed to talk to her partner. She didn't muster up the courage to actually speak until they had exited the building. Sam was waiting impatiently beside his car.

"Deeks?" she began. He turned to look at her. "I know Callen's a good agent, but be careful, okay? I just don't want to end up in a hospital again this time."

He managed to give her a small grin. "Don't worry, Fern. I'll be back." She smiled against her will and shook her head. Sam called for her to hurry up, and they started walking toward their new partners. "You be careful too, though." She gave him a reassuring nod, but neither of them bought it. Something wasn't right. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they weren't working with their partners at their six.

Or perhaps it was something else all together.

Sam and Kensi pulled up to the crime scene and took in the mess. The Petty Officer had been found in a park, positioned unnaturally against a tree. He had been shot execution-style through the forehead, but not before being brutally beaten and, by the look of his body, tortured for any information he might have had. Kensi picked up his wallet from the grass. The ID matched the body – Petty Officer Ryan Hanson. She was just about to hand the wallet to Sam to tag for evidence that she noticed a piece of paper sticking out of an inner pocket. Slowly, she pulled it out and examined it.

Noting his new partner's silence, Sam asked, "Kensi, what is it?" Hands shaking she handed the unfolded sheet over. Sam's eyes widened. "Is this..."

"Yes," she answered quickly, her pitch rising. "It's a hit list. And it's not our Petty Officer's. His name's been crossed off."

"Then how did he get it?" Sam turned the list over, as if there were answers that he could find hidden on the back.

"I don't know. But look at the names at the bottom of the list." Kensi's voice was shaking, and Sam cautiously scanned the list. He nearly dropped it when he read the names at the bottom. His eyes met hers, and they were laced with fear.

"Why are we on this list?" he whispered, his voice barely audible. Kensi shook her head, trying to hold in her fear. She could see the names scrawled in untidy penmanship without looking at the list; the memory burned in her eyes. _Martin Deeks. Kensi Blye. Sam Hanna. G Callen._

"This guy is coming for us, Sam. We have to tell Deeks and Callen. Now." Sam didn't need Kensi's urging. He pulled out his phone and dialed Callen's number, catastrophe on his lips.

Callen and Deeks pulled up outside the Petty Officer's house and took in the property. It looked clean and empty from the street, but both men were clearly uneasy. Callen had sworn he saw someone tailing them from OSP, but he didn't voice his concern to Deeks. He knew that the guy was already worried enough without his partner. He didn't need a possible false alarm to get his nerves riled up even more.

The two agents made their way up to the front door, and Deeks picked the lock. Upon instruction from Hetty, they were to look for three things and three things only: clues to the Petty Officer's top secret information, evidence of his killer, and any hint that national security had been compromised. It was a simple task, one that went along with almost every mission. Callen had struck out finding anything incriminating in the bedroom when Deeks called.

"Hey Callen? I think I found something on the laptop." Callen hurried down the steps to the blonde cop who was hunched over a high-tech looking laptop.

"What is it?" he asked.

Deeks shrugged. "I don't know. I found this encrypted file or something, but when it opened, all it showed was this." He turned the computer to Callen, who saw a bunch of meaningless letters and numbers scrolling down the screen. He frowned.

"Send it to Eric and Nell. See what they can get from it. I'll call Sam." Deeks nodded and began typing away. Callen pulled out his phone, but before he could press any numbers, his phone buzzed to life. It was an incoming call from Sam.

"Hey Sam, I was just about—" Callen began, but his partner cut him off.

"G, you and Deeks need to get out of the house _now_. Get back to Ops immediately. It's an emergency." Sam sounded truly worried, and Callen felt the dread settling in. _Always when we switch partners, _he thought. Deeks stood from working at the laptop and read the emotions plastered on his face. His stomach dropped sickeningly.

Callen spoke first. "Sam, what the hell is going on?"

It was Kensi's voice he heard next. "Callen, put us on speaker." He did, and Deeks came over and stood beside him. "We were searching the body when I found his wallet. Inside is a hit list, but it doesn't belong to Petty Officer Hanson. He's on the list, crossed off." The sound of a car engine roared in the background, along with the faint sound of Sam swearing at other drivers.

"What does this have to do with us?" Deeks asked, fear evident in his voice.

"Deeks, we're on the list."

"_We?_"

"Yes, _we_. All four of us," Sam chimed in.

Callen looked around the house. "Deeks, c'mon, let's get out of here." The two of them headed toward the door, not daring to hang up on Sam and Kensi. They had just walked out of the front door when a black SUV pulled up at the curb. _Shit, _Callen thought, knowing mysterious black cars usually meant trouble. It hit him all of a sudden that this was the car he thought had been trailing them earlier. He stuffed his phone in his pocket and pulled out his gun. Motioning for Deeks to follow suit, he rushed down the front walk.

They had only walked a few yards when three men clambered out of the car. They too had firepower, but some much stronger than the agents. "Callen..." Deeks began warily. No sooner had the name escaped his mouth than the first shots were fired. The two agents hit the ground, Callen's phone falling from his pocket to the pavement, broadcasting Kensi's voice for them to hear.

"Callen? Deeks? What the hell is going on?!" she yelled. More shots rang out in the air, and the sound of them, even through the crappy reception of the phone, was enough to make her heart race in fear. Sam heard the shots too; and made a dangerous and illegal turn on the road and began heading back toward the Petty Officer's house, ignoring the blaring horns behind him.

As Kensi's voice crackled over the phone, Callen and Deeks ignored the fallen technology and ran for cover. Cowering by the side of the house, they exchanged shots with their newfound enemy. Deeks was covering his partner as he reloaded his gun when he realized that they were only shooting at two men. But there was no one on the ground.

"Callen..." he warned again, but he was too late. Two shots rang into the air, and there was a thump and a human groan as a body fell to the ground. The remaining agent shot and killed the man who had snuck up behind them, and had turned just in time to see the others driving away. He looked down at the bleeding body beside him and mentally kicked himself. Kensi's shrill screaming from the phone across the yard dragged his attention away. He ran over and picked up the phone, before heading back to his fallen comrade and placing pressure on the wounds.

"Kens," he said. "We've got a man down."

She took in a deep, shaky breath and looked over at Sam. There was fear and hurt in his eyes, but he saw that there was more immense pain in hers. Pain and tears. Gathering up her sanity, she finally dared to speak. "I'll call an ambulance. But I'm telling you now—" she stopped as emotions threatened to choke her words.

"Callen, don't you dare let my partner die."

Kensi hated hospitals more than anything or anyone on the planet. They smelled like sickness and were haunted by death. Good things rarely ever came from hospitals, she knew. None of those thoughts were of any comfort to her as she stood in the hallway of the ER, motionless. Once they had heard the news from Callen that Deeks was down – again – they had sped straight to the hospital to meet them there. Kensi had watched them rush Deeks into surgery. He had taken two bullets to the chest. His face was ashen and pale. The movement of his chest was almost undistinguishable. Judging by the rushed voices of the doctors who took him in the surgery room, their hopes of his survival weren't high.

It had been nearly five hours since they had arrived, and still no word on Deeks. Kensi stood as still as a statue in the hallway; her only movement was the minute rise and fall of her chest as she breathed for the sole purpose of staying alive long enough to hope her partner did too. Her vacant eyes looked everywhere and nowhere, seeing everything but taking in nothing. Words whizzed around in her head, but none made any sense. Deeks' badge and ID were being held in a death grip, for she knew that she would completely lose it if she didn't have something tangible to hold on to. Pressing the badge to her heart, she closed her eyes and prayed, which was something she didn't do very often.

_Please let Deeks be okay, _her mind and heart cried. _Please don't let him die. Don't let him die._

Out in the connected waiting room, Sam and Callen watched their partner's vigil through the closed glass doors. Sam's heart was aching for the shaggy detective. Sure Deeks was a pain in the ass at times, but he was family. It was bad enough when he got shot the first time, and then they had practically been guaranteed his survival. This was different. Beside him, Callen was beating himself up over and over. How had he not seen that they guy had disappeared? Why did Deeks have to take the fall – literally – for Callen's clumsiness? Thoughts like this swirled around his head, but he dared not to speak them aloud. The only response he'd get would be, '_It's not your fault, G,' _but it was his fault, and he knew it.

It was six and a half hours of waiting when Hetty finally made an appearance. The two agents could hardly make eye contact with her, knowing full well that if she hadn't switched them up, this probably wouldn't have happened. Hetty knew that too, and like Callen, was blaming herself. Why did she always make such stupid decisions? Ignoring her thoughts, she looked to her agents.

"Is there any news on Mr. Deeks?"

"Nothing," Sam said with a shake of his head. His eyes traveled up to where Kensi was standing behind the doors. Her body stiff, eyes blank, fingers clutching tightly at the only thing she had of her partner. Hetty followed his gaze. "She hasn't moved once since we got here. She'll close her eyes and rock on her heels every now and again, but other than that she's stoic."

Callen looked up at Kensi as well. "She's going to lose it if he dies." Hetty made a movement toward the doors, but he called her back. "Leave her be. She's emotional enough as it is. No offense Hetty, but she'll probably kill you if she sees you." _Or me, _he added mentally. Their boss quietly nodded, and with instructions to call if news came, left the men to berate themselves in silence. Slowly, minutes ticked by. Kensi did not move.

Eight o'clock rolled around, and the two agents wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep into oblivion. They had been waiting for nearly eight hours, and both of them were beginning to wonder just how the hell Kensi was still standing. She hadn't moved again since Hetty left. She too was wondering how long she'd have to wait. There was no way she was leaving, but she wanted to go home and pretend this day never happened. Memories of her and Deeks played in her brain, and it was all she could do to not collapse into an exhausted puddle.

Hope was just giving out when a doctor exited the surgery room. His scrubs were scattered with blood, and his face was grimmer than death itself. He noticed Kensi and called, "Miss Blye?" Her head shot up immediately.

"Yes?" she asked, trying to calm her nerves.

The doctor took a deep breath, and she felt her heart begin to sink. "I'm sorry. Mr. Deeks didn't make it."

She should have been expecting it, but the news still hit her like a bullet. Dull and hard at first, but when it sinks in, it's the most painful and heart-wrenching thing you've ever felt. The tears began to pool in her eyes and slip one by one down her cheeks. _Dead. Deeks is dead. _The tears began to fall faster, until she was sobbing uncontrollably. Weakened by pain and pure exhaustion, she finally collapsed to the floor, clutching Deeks' badge to her chest.

"No!" she cried. "No, no, he can't be dead, he promised!" Her voice choked on her own tears. "He promised me he wouldn't die..." The doctor left her and went to inform the guys, who felt the blow of pain as well. Never had they thought Deeks would be the first to die. Not at all. Not like this. They finally made their way through the doors, where they watched Kensi sobbing in utter despair. Her heartbreaking cries were enough to stab at the coldest of hearts. She leaned forward, her head to her knees, her body wracked with sobs. Her agonized screams filled the hall, as she wept and yelled out for her partner. One part of her kept telling her that it was all a lie, that she was dreaming and imagining all of this. The other half, the sane and heartbroken half, led her to believe otherwise. Pain wasn't this real in dreams.

Callen and Sam let Kensi cry for ten minutes before coming to a unanimous decision to get her out of the hospital. Sam was the one who approached, both of them knowing full well she couldn't handle dealing with her emotions toward Callen right now. He knelt down and placed a hand gently on her shaking shoulder.

"Kensi," he said softly, "you really should go home. Get some rest, calm down. Hetty won't want you to come in tomorrow anyway. It's not good for you to stay here." When she made no move to get up, he sighed. "C'mon, Kens, you've been standing here for the past eight hours. Go home and recover. Do it for Deeks. He wouldn't have wanted to see you like this."

She allowed Sam to pull her clumsily to her feet. Tears spilled down her cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy. Kensi followed the guys out of the hospital like a zombie, her only sounds being her quiet, broken cries. As they drove her back to her apartment, Callen and Sam gently reminded her that she needed to do certain things, and that she needn't bother to come to work the next day. She didn't hear any of it. When she entered her apartment, she ignored everything the guys had told her and collapsed on her couch. _Get up, Kensi, _her mind whispered. _Eat. Go to the bathroom. Sleep. _She knew she had to keep her body functioning, but it didn't matter at all to her whether her body lived or not.

Her body's survival didn't matter; it was her heart did.

But her heart had died with Deeks.


End file.
